10 years cancer free

 

April 9, 2025 marks 10 years cancer free. A milestone that fills me with deep gratitude—and yet, this year, it’s incredibly hard to feel celebratory.

I still go for my yearly checkups at MD Anderson, but now I'm in their survivorship program where I don't have to do as invasive testing, just some blood work, x-rays, and ultrasound.  And instead of meeting with my oncologist I meet with the nurse over the program. 

I often think back to that time with deep gratitude and a bit of disbelief. I had just turned 30 and was in the thick of motherhood, raising a kindergartener, a 3-year-old, and nursing a 9-month-old. Life didn’t slow down when cancer showed up. Two surgeries, 30 lymph nodes removed, one round of radiation, a month with a drainage bag, two months of physical therapy, and four months of treatment—it was a season of survival in every sense.

I don’t take a single day for granted. Just feeling incredibly thankful.  Especially thankful for the advances in modern medicine.  It gave me ten years of life. Ten years of motherhood, holidays, milestones, laughter, and ordinary moments I’ll never take for granted.

And yet this year… my heart is heavy.

Just weeks ago, we lost our sweet Olivia due to complications from cancer. And suddenly this “10-year survivor” milestone feels bittersweet. I know what a gift it is to reach this point, but I also know not everyone gets that chance. It’s hard to reconcile both truths at once.

So today, I hold space for both joy and grief. I honor the fight in me, and I honor the memory of Olivia and every brave soul whose story ended too soon.

This is for her. For all of them. For the fighters, the survivors, and the ones we carry in our hearts forever.

Results from my Cancer Scare

Back in October I had a cancer scare.  You can read about it here. They found a precancerous mole that had to be surgically removed on my right arm, it was a simple procedure that didn't need any follow up.  At the same time however, they also found some new spots on my lungs (unrelated to the precancerous mole).  These new spots could mean an inflammation due to sickness or allergies, but as a precaution my oncologist wanted me to come back in 3 months (end of January) to see if the spots are still there, grown, or best case scenario the spots will have disappeared.  If in 3 months the spots are still there or worse if they'd grown, then I'd need to have a biopsy done to test for cancer.  Luckily it was holiday season so 2 out of the 3 months of waiting went surprisingly fast.  I also just tried not to think about it much.

However after the holidays were over my upcoming appointment loomed over my head.  Then just a few days before my scans I received word that one of Brads best friends from high school's mother was being put into Hospice and I lost it.  She was only recently diagnosed this past summer with Melanoma and has been the only person I have personally known to have had Melanoma (everyone else was just people I'd met at the hospital).  I'd been in communication with their family, and so this news was so hard to hear.

Melanoma is a horrible, frightening, deadly disease.  Its not "just skin cancer"!

I had my CT scan on Friday and that following Monday I was scheduled to meet with my oncologist to go over the results.  Luckily I didn't have to wait over the weekend.  My oncologist called me that Friday afternoon.  "I have 2 good news.  The 1st is that you're not pregnant, the 2nd news is that the nodules (spots) on your lungs have disappeared!  With this great news I see no reason for you to come in on Monday"  she then canceled my appointment.  It was such a relief and weight lifted off my shoulders.

The Monday that I would have meet with my oncologist, I heard that Karol Cook passed away.  It's so hard not to have survivors guilt.  Why me and not her.  Its awful and it sucks.  So every year when our family runs the Melanoma fun run at MD Anderson to raise funds for Melanoma cancer,  I'll not only run for me, but also in remembrance of Karol.

My not so fun Halloween Scare

 Earlier in October I got a call with my test results from a mole my dermatologist recently removed.  It was pre-cancerous.  I was a little surprised and a little frightened.  I haven't heard the word cancer coming from my doctors in a long time. 

I get at least one or two moles removed with each dermatology visit since my Melanoma, and they always turn out fine.  At the appointment I was surprised when my dermatologist recommend to remove it because she thought it looked suspicious. I didn't see anything suspicious about it!  I guess thats why I consistently need to go to my dermatologists.  They catch the things I don't.  To me it just looked like a regular sun spot, but my dermatologist wanted to remove it because it was almost on top of two other ones.

Being pre-cancerous they needed to make sure that they got all of the potentially cancerous cells out and so I had to have a small surgical procedure to remove more skin around that area.

The doctor who performed my surgery was really good, he likes to listen to music as he works, and spoke to me the entire time to calm me.  The negative was that there was nothing to shield me.  So if I wanted to I could see the whole procedure, which I didn't, so I looked across the room at Brad.  However looking at him wasn't helpful either as his face said it all!  Especially when he said "is that fat?" to the doctor with a disgusted face.  Luckily the surgery only lasted about a half hour, but I felt every tug and pull as he stitched me up.  And I had this cool new look just in time for Halloween.  Although this was not the kind of Halloween scares that are fun.  I now have a lovely new scar on my right arm to go along with my melanoma scars on my left arm.  Apparently I only get cancer on my arms!

I'm so thankful that they caught this in its earliest stages!  So very very thankful, however this little episode was very triggering and brought back a lot of emotions from 3 years ago.  I'll admit it was a little PTSD.  Even though my cancer fight was 3 years ago I was reminded that this is always going to be something I'm going to have to worry about.

The day after my surgery I actually had my semi annual CT/MRI. So Thursday surgery, Friday my scans, and Monday my appointment with my oncologist. It was a fun filled weekend!  

I see the same radiologist every time so he knows me (as much as one can in those circumstances) and before my CT scan he saw the bandage on my arm and asked what happened.  I told him they found more cancer and they had to get it out.  "But you've been clear for years!" he said.  "I know".  After the scan he escorted me back to my room and very melancholy said "I hope that everything on your scans are ok". He's never said anything like that to me before, so it made me uneasy.  Did he see something on the scans or was he just saying that because of what he saw on my arm?

I know I've said it before, but I just love my oncologist.  She is so personable, friendly and just makes you feel better.  My CT scans did indeed show new spots on my lungs.  She said that they are incredibly tiny, so tiny that she couldn't even see them and that she said is why they have radiologists, but she said that even 50% of radiologists probably would have missed them they are that tiny.  Since our lungs are like a filtration system, they catch a lot of stuff. So those super tiny spots could be because I'm sick or have allergies.  She didn't seem too worried to do anything just yet, but wants to monitor it instead.  In 3 months (end of January) I'll go back in for a CT scan and if the spots are gone (fingers crossed) great!  If they are still there, then I'll need to have a biopsy done to see if its cancerous.  I'm thankful that Brad comes with me to all my appointments.  The last couple of years these appointments have been short with good news, so I feel bad that he missed work for it.  But you never know when you'll get bad news, and it was comforting to have him by my side.

I also spoke to her about the pre-cancerous mole I just had surgery on and how frustrated/scared I was that I was that close to having cancer again.  I've been trying to be so good with sunscreen!  She told me it probably won't be the last time I'll get it.  I'll always have to be vigilant, she commended me on how diligent I am about seeing my dermatologist regularly, that they caught this early and to keep it up. But due to my genetic pre-dispossession that I'll probably keep getting them again and again, and with each time say "damnit" and move past it and keep living life.

So for now I'm going to enjoy the holiday season and then come January I'm sure I won't be able to avoid the anxiety, till I know the results, but I'm going to try.

April 9

There are dates in everyones lives that are so significant they don't forget, that on that day something happened to change their life. Whether it is a birthday of a loved one or an anniversary, you will forever look back on that day and remember that special occasion.  April 9 has now become a day I won't forget.  For on that day in 2015, I received the call while trying to find parking at the Houston Zoo that I had Cancer and my life changed forever.

April 9, 2015 was the start of a very long year. A year filled with heartache, hope, worry, anxiety, guilt, strength, feeling weak, tired, uncertainty, loved, helplessness, fear, and even anger.   It was an extremely emotional time!

It's been a full year now since my cancer treatment ended (Dec.21, 2015) and I was surprised that after my treatment was done I didn't immediately feel like my old self again.   In fact, during a follow-up visit 6 months after my treatment I told my oncologist that I felt numb.  I had neither high nor low emotions.  She told me that as a doctor she looks at me and just wants to get rid of the disease that's killing my body, but we are still humans with emotions, and it will take some time to adjust to those strong emotions.  "Your body just went through a roller coaster and it's still healing emotionally."

It took me a good part of last year (2016) to emotionally recover.  For that numbess to go away.  When my brother came home from his mission last fall, I cried for the first time happy tears.  Someone asked why I was crying and I told them I don't care I'm just happy to be crying happy tears again.  I still have some emotional scars, but they are slowly fading.

April 9, 2017.  Its been 2 years. This year I couldn't help but think of the day I got that call and the events that followed.  A flood of all those feelings I had felt during that experience rushed over me.  I'm glad I have this blog, I looked up all my old cancer posts to see my journey and how far I've come.  Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit, but looking back even I'm amazed at how strong I was.  Going through all that with 3 young kids.  Logan just being a baby and still nursing.  I nursed him through it all! Thats something to be proud about!

I recenlty met with my docotor for my two year follow up appointment.  My scans still show no sign of disease!  Hitting my 2 year mark is an extrememly big milestone, for it is within the two years that my cancer would have most likely have come back, but now my chances have signifactanly dicreased!  I will meet with my docotor in a couple more months (first of July), but after that I will only be needing my scans and seeing my doctor every six months for another 3 years (until I hit my 5 year mark).

I know it sounds weird, but I was seeing my oncologist every 3 months for the past year, before that it was every week.  She has become such an imporant part of my life.  Its hard to discribe the deep bond you feel with your oncologist.  She's been there for me through it all.  She's seen me at my weakest and has been my biggest supporters.  She's genuinally happy to see me at my appointments, always giving me the biggest hugs and smiles.  Its going to be hard not to see her as often, even though its a good thing.  

After seeing her at the race and feeling guilty of not getting a picture I made sure I got one with her at my next appointment.  Meet the best oncologist: Dr. Glitza.  I'm so proud to have her on my team.  Love this German lady!

Aim for the Cure 2016

Its fall and that means its the Aim for the Cure Melanoma Fun Run!  

We came straight from Carson's soccer game so we were pretty tired from being out in the sun and humidity all day,  but I didn't want to miss this. I love this new tradition of ours.  

This is our family's 2nd fun run!  Running this race brought back memories from last year,  I ran this race the day before I started my treatment.  Crazy how its been a year.  It feels like a lifetime ago, but those feelings are still so raw.

My fellow Melanoma Survivors!

After I came back from taking my picture with my fellow survivors I saw Brad talking to my Oncologist! I was so surprised and excited when I saw her. Seeing her was actually probably the highlight of my night.  She recognized Brad right away and came over to say hi to him plus she wanted to "meet my cute kids".  At first I was surprised when she said this was her first time meeting our boys, but immediately I realized that of course it was since I never take my kids to my doctors appointments.  She loved how cute they were and that since she is German, she was very happy that my boys play American football (aka soccer).  She commented on how big my "baby" is (she knows Logan was only a baby when I was diagnosed) and she said she can tell that he is a feisty one! 

It was so fun to see her outside my normal doctor visits.  When you go through something like this, you become really close with your doctors and I just love mine.  Wish I would have gotten a picture with her.  Of course I thought of that after she had already left.

Love having him by my side!

Proud of Carson.  Even though he was tired from his soccer game he ran most of the race!

Tanner was so funny, we ran past some cheerleaders who were cheering the runners on and he was waving his arms and cheering with them.  Ladies man. At least he's my ladies man.  When he ran (about a third of the race the other part he was in the stroller) he held my hand.

Love this picture they captured of us crossing the finish line!

Even being a night race, it was so hot and humid.  Proud of our family for trying to run most of this race, when most everyone else just walked it.  Excited to do it again next year!

I'd Rather be Pale than Dead

11 moles removed, 3 abnormal moles re-removed, 1 melanoma, 2 gnarly scares, 6 paper punched scars for the clinical test, 6 welts from injection sites, 4 CT and MRI scans, who knows how many viles of blood drawn, and permanent numbing on the back of my arm. Yep after all that I think I'd rather be pale then dead.

With the warmer weather comes shorts, and swim suits,  and naturally the ladies at the bus stop have been talking to me about how "white" they are and how they need to go tanning.  I laughed and said "yep no more tanning for me"  their eyes got wide as they realized what they just said.  I even had a close friend tell me that I should instead get a sunless tan (aka a spray on tan).  I was shocked (she talked to me the next day all embarrassed and apologized profusely for saying that).

I don't blame them, I used to say the same thing.  Although I never really got tan, I did like having that sun kissed look.  Now when people talk about tanning to me or I see the ladies tanning by the pool I want to scream and tell them its not worth it!

May is Melanoma awareness Month and I've been reflecting a lot this past month on my cancer journey.  I just hit my year mark, but May was also when I had found out that my cancer had spread and I had my second surgery.  I've also been thinking about the people I've meet on my journey and wondering how their journey is.

I found this quote that really struck me:

"Cancer changes people. It sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately, loves more openly and lives more passionately." -taken from the book Cancer Memoirs

This quote was posted under a picture of a child who has cancer, and one of the things that I thought of early on in my journey was that I was glad it was me and not my beautiful boys.  I'd rather go through this then to see my child go through it and for that I feel blessed.

So as my public service announcement in honor of this month: schedule an appointment with your dermatologist and check yo 'self!

1 Year Anniversary

On April 9, I "celebrated" my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with Cancer. Its been a crazy ride to say the least since I got that phone call. What a year it has been!  On one hand I can't believe its been a year, and on the other it feels like its been WAY longer then a year! 

So when my friend Sarah asked if I wanted to run the Bluebell race with her this year on April 9, I couldn't think of a more appropriate way to commemorate this day. 

Sarah and I before our race!

It was a perfect day for a run.  It was overcast with a slight breeze.

These were taken by the race photographer.  Here we are at the starting line.

This one is my favorite. It looks like we are having a good time.

At the finish line.  It felt so good to be standing at the finish line 1 year later, stronger, and disease free!

Last Treatment

December 21 marked my last treatment.  After I was given my last shot I had a little meltdown.  I haven't cried much since the day I was given my diagnosis.  I guess I was trying to be strong and not feel sorry for myself, but I must admit it felt good to let it out.  To know that this was somewhat coming to an end.  Having my last treatment is a perfect way to end this year and to start over next year.

This is Genner.  He is the research nurse who is in charge of my clinical trial.  Having to do these treatments has not been fun.  Some treatments effected me more then others, it seemed the sickest times I got where when they gave me my injection in my arm.  Strange.

But I've been so thankful to the sisters in my ward who have watched my boys and provided us dinner.  It was very much appreciated!  I had a friend come on Tuesdays (my sick days) and she would take Logan to the park while Tanner was at preschool so I could take a nap.  She would even clean my house while I slept! There have been so many blessings.

On the 28th I have another CT scan and on Monday I'll meet with my oncologist to discuss the results as well as my future.  I believe (hopefully they don't pull any surprises on me) that I should be going in every 3-4 months for scans for the next year and then move to scans every 6 months for the following 3 years.

So here's to the end of this chapter.  Lets hope for a quieter new year!

Cancer Treatment Info

I also want to update everyone in regards to my last cancer post.  First Brad still has his job!  Second I wanted to inform everyone about my clinical trial.  For this cancer treatment, I go in every Monday and over the course of 3 months will be given 6 shots.  These shots are similar to a flu vaccine in the fact that my body will build an immune system that will know to attack Melanoma cancer cells.  It's really fascinating and an exciting time in the Melanoma Field!

The shots feel like they are injecting me with cement!  The injection site is so painful the first few days it actually leaves a permanent welt.  They have to inject me in a different spot each week.  They rotate between both my legs and my right arm.  Since my left arm is where they removed my lymph nodes that arm has to forever be avoided.  That means no blood pressure can be taken in that arm, shots, or blood drawn.  When they draw my blood each week they take between 10-16 vials each week for testing.

I get the shots on Mondays and a couple of hours after I get the injection I start getting really tired.  24 hours after the shot on Tuesdays is when I get sick.  I get a slight fever, aches, chills, and night sweats.  By Wednesday morning I feel slightly better though not 100% but by the afternoon I'm usually good.  So I usually start feeling like myself by the weekends only to start over again on Monday.  The first week so far has been the worst.  I got the sickest that week and then the following two weeks have been pretty similar.

They will take 2 biopsy's on two of the sites they have injected me to see how my body is reacting to the treatment.  I had one on my second week and they take three paper punch samples (similar to getting a mole removed) from my arm to have tested.  I have my second one this Monday and they'll take 3 more samples from my leg.  The samples have left three star like scars on my arm.  I'm sure the leg will be no different.

I have an old friend from Morenci whose brother in law was diagnosed with the exact same cancer as me around the same time as me and has to be on interferon (a chemo-like drug) for a year.  He's barely eating again and it's been about 6 months!  I've also made friends with parents to a teenager who has Melanoma.  We've been waiting room friends as we have the same doctor.  They're from Elko Nevada and we made the Utah/Nevada friendship.  The mother said her son is not gonna make it.

I feel so thankful that even though this isn't fun, I know its a million times better than the alternative drug interferon.  I'm sick for about a day and a half each week for 3 months vs. every day for a year.  And I can have the peace of mind that I'm doing everything that I can to stop my cancer from returning.  It's hard seeing dying patients at the hospital and not think why them and not me, but I have to stay positive.  I've got kids who need me.

Aim for the Cure

Before I started my clinical trial I meet with my oncologist and while I was there I saw a flyer for the 2015 Aim for a Cure Melanoma Walk and Fun Run that was happening that weekend.  I thought it would be a fun thing that our family could do together.

The fun run was held at MD Anderson and I have to give a shout out for my hospital.  They are the number 1 ranked cancer hospital in the nation!  Woot woot!  Couldn't ask for a better place to be!

When we arrived they had us pick up our shirts.  I went and got my size shirt and the lady handed me a white shirt and then when Brad went to grab his they asked if there were any cancer survivors, because they get a purple shirt.  So I went back and told the lady I was a survivor and you could just see the shock on her face as she apologized and handed me a purple shirt.  It felt strange and yet empowering to say that I was a survivor.  There's a plaque in the Melanoma wing at the hospital that says "you were a survivor the day you got diagnosed."

When I left to change into my purple shirt I came back and Brad showed me the poster that he signed  in support of who you're running for.  He's such a sweet guy.  I have to say seeing it made me tear up! (my name is on the left hand side)

My biggest supporters

wearing our black ribbon in support of Melanoma Cancer

Instead of a number Brad has a sign that says he's walking in support of Emily

It was a nighttime run so we brought our glow sticks

Robin from Good Morning America was the emcee at our race!  She was speaking in a conference at MD Anderson, but her college friend is the one in charge of the race (her husband passed away from Melanoma) and so I'm sure thats how they got her to speak at our little race.  She is such an inspiring woman and I'm thankful I got to listen to her.

They had some short speakers from the people that ran the race.  One whose father had passed away in '07 and said that Melanoma cancer accounts for 4% of all cancer, but yet accounts for 80% of all cancer related deaths.  (Thats not a statistic I wanted to hear!)  Yet its an exciting time for Melanoma patients as the treatments are improving in leaps and bounds within the past 5 years.  

They also highlight two cancer survivors.  One was a teenage black girl who was diagnosed at age 9!  I mentioned her race due to the fact that a lot of people think that only fair skin people get it, which is true, but I've been really surprised at seeing all the different races in the waiting room at the cancer center.  It can effect anyone.  Please get yearly checks by your dermatologist!

Robin had all the survivors come up on stage to be recognized.  Everyone broke out in cheers and applause.  It was so wonderful to meet this new cancer family of mine.  While at the hospital I mostly see older people, so it was nice to see other young survivors as well.  (I'm slightly to the left of center)

Getting ready to race!

Carson ran the whole way with me!  There were even moments where I had to stop and walk and he wanted to keep going.  He loved it!  Tanner even ran most of it too!

Here we are crossing the finish line.

Tanner's picture was even featured on the Aim for the Cure website!

I'm so glad we got to do this race!  It was a very emotional evening for me, thinking of all that I've gone through and all that I still had to go through as I was starting treatments the next day!  And I'm glad that we got to do it as a family as this really has been a family affair for us.  We're in it together!

A candid cancer post

I'm taking a break from my vacation posts to give you the latest update.  I know it almost sounds like this is a Public Service Announcement.  However its not.  Just an update on my cancer treatment.  A very long and candid one.  I apologize in advance.

I start my clinical trial on Monday.  On Monday Brad will also be finding out if he keeps his job since his company is doing some restructuring and will be doing layoffs that week.  Today at work everyone had to clear their offices out.  Brad said it was sad to watch everyone carrying out their boxes to their cars.  No one is safe during these layoffs.

I think its fair to say that things have been a little stressful around here lately and everyones been feeling it.

We arrived home from Italy on Thursday and that Monday I was at the hospital getting an MRI and CT scan done in preparation for my upcoming clinical trial.  Then that Wednesday I was to meet with my oncologist.  Welcome home to me, right?

my lovely radiation cocktail for my CT scans

I was talking to my brother on the phone and I was updating him on my cancer.  "but you don't have cancer anymore".  I was taken aback, because I guess if your technical about it, yes, there are no signs of cancer in my body, but I don't feel like I'm cancer free.  Ever since I found out I had to go through cancer treatments, there's always been a dark cloud looming over my head.  Although there were moments (especially while on our vacation) where I have been able to somewhat forget, its never been completely gone.

I think people don't realize how ongoing cancer is.  The treatments, the side effects-both short and long term, the mental side effects, the constant doctors appointments and scans.  The fear that it could come back.  Its not so simple for me to say I'm cancer free, because I sure don't feel "free" right now.

However, it must be said that even though things have been stressful, I'm acutely aware that God is watching out for me and he knows my needs.

Before we left on our trip I went to Carson's school to let them know I was going to be out of town and giving my mother in-law rights to be Carson's emergency contact person.  As I was filling this out, the PTA president and dear friend (we were in the Relief Society Presidency together) came in and asked how I was doing and then told the office staff that I just had my lymph nodes removed.  One of the secretaries piped up that she too had her lymph nodes removed due to breast cancer.  We talked for a bit, but I didn't think much of it.  Then after I came home from our trip I was at Carson's school again to pick him up for a dentist appointment.  I remembered the secretary and told her that I was seeing my oncologist the next day and asked what type of questions should I ask in regards to my treatment.  She was very helpful and gave some good advice.  (To be honest she also scared me to with how horrible her chemo treatment was!)  It was so comforting to talk to someone who has been through it, and very understanding.

The day of my appointment I had taken Carson to the bus stop and was running around trying to get Tanner off to pre-school and Logan off to the babysitters, when I noticed I had forgotten to pack Carson's snack in his book bag.  Since 1st graders have lunch so early they are allowed a snack in the afternoon.  I really didn't have time to stop by his school, but I was feeling guilty because I know how hungry he gets.  So I thought I'd just do a quick in and out.  As I ran in I saw Dawn the secretary.  She gave me a big smile and told me how she had been thinking of me all night long.  Its against the law, but she was even going to look up my information so she could call me.  She wants to be there for me, to be a listening ear, to make meals, and even take work off so she could go with me while I get my treatment done.  She gave me a big hug and I told her I was scared. Then I broke down sobbing in her arms.  She told me I was strong and that she's going to help me get through this.  Carson came home from school that day with a thinking of you card. Here she was a complete stranger, but I know she was put in my life for a reason.

Isn't it funny how just a simple chance encounter can change everything?  If I hadn't run into my friend who told the office what I was going through I don't think we ever would have made this connection.  Dawn even said that I'm her purpose.  She was supposed to be at this school to help me.  She got offered a job at the local high school with a higher paying salary, but yet she felt compelled to stay at Shafer.  Its been a week now since we've meet and I've already called her for support on a bad day.

I was also talking to a woman from church who is also going through cancer treatments and told her how I've been having a hard time and haven't been dealing with my emotions very well, especially anger.  Angry not necessarily at what I'm going through, but projecting it onto other things.  Its easier to feel anger then to think of whats going on.  "honey, you're going through the stages of grief!  We all (as in cancer patients) go through this.  Its completely normal!"  I hadn't thought of it that way, that I am grieving.  Grieving for how its effected me, my family, my relationships, my future.  Being able to talk to these wonderful women has given me so much strength.  I can't thank heavenly father enough.  I know we are supposed to be here for a reason.  To be in this neighborhood, this school, and especially our ward. I have the biggest supporters here.

I'm excited to watch conference this weekend.  I got diagnosed with my cancer just 5 days after the spring conference. My circumstances have changed and I have different things that my soul needs to hear.  Especially before starting this new chapter in my cancer treatment.

Physical Therapy

Today was my last day of Physical Therapy and they re-evaluated me to compare from my first day to my last day.  I have 100% range in motion when I raise my left arm all the way back and I'm just a few degrees shy when I raise my arm from my side (like when you make a snow angel)!  This is a big deal since when I started I could barely raise my left arm at all.

My swelling also showed a huge improvement.  I started out with 11% swelling and I'm down to 1%!  I really do feel completely back to normal!  That is until the end of September when I start my treatment, but I try not to think about that yet.  I've still got my summer to enjoy.

Cancer Update!

Last week I had a CT and MRI scan done to look and see if the cancer had spread to other sites of my body.  I was a little nervous about getting the scans done, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be and went quite smoothly.  I got news the next day that the scans looked disease free!  No words can quite adequately describe the flood of emotions that came from hearing that news.  Although  I can't technically say I'm cancer free for 5 more years, I really feel that its over.

Today I went to MD Anderson to go to rehab and to meet my new oncologist.

I went to rehab because of slight swelling in my arm and they taught me some message techniques to do to help reduce swelling as well as teaching me some strengthening exercises to help with my mobility.  I will be going to rehab twice a week (here in Katy so I don't have to drive all the way downtown) for a couple weeks.  I was also fitted for a compression sleeve that I will wear on my arm when I fly, long car rides, ect. to help limit swelling.

Previously I have been seeing a surgical oncologist and now that I'm in the clear and no longer need any more surgeries, I will be going to a medical oncologist for my future care.  While meeting with my new oncologist I got some really unexpected news.  I went in thinking that since my scans were clean and they've removed all the cancer that they'll just tell me they'll be monitoring me through my regular scans and that was it.  So it came as quite a surprise when the physicians assistant started talking about preventative measures to make sure the cancer does not back.

"The FDA has two approved preventative measures.  The first: Interferon (which side effects are just as horrible and nasty as chemo) and you would take that for an entire year.  The other would be chemo."  I think I turned as white as a ghost and didn't hear what she said as she was talking about the chemo.  My heart about dropped and my mind was going a thousand miles an hour thinking about what these medications mean and how its going to affect my quality of life and I started panicking a little. Ok to be honest I started panicking on the inside a lot!  "BUT" she added, "there is a new clinical study that isn't approved yet, but is getting the same if not a little better results then the interferon."  With this clinical study I will need to get a shot (they said its similar to getting a flu shot/vaccine) once a week for 3 months, and the only side effects people have said they've had is a slight fever and chills.  I also need to have certain genetic markers to be able to take this trial, which I did.  She also said I had to pretty much make my decision right then because there were only a couple slots left for this trial.

I know it was the physicians assistants job to give me all the facts and treatments available to me, but I really didn't like her after her delivery!  She about gave me a heart attack!  My actual doctor on the other hand was wonderful.  She came in and told me that last week when she saw that I was coming in on Monday she hurried and reserved a spot for me for the trial.  I got the 21st spot out of 22.  Ultimately the choice was mine on which treatment to take, but it was a no brainer.  I will start the clinical trial the end of September.

I feel incredibly blessed!  Blessed that there is a new and better treatment with very little side effects so I can keep being a mom and wife to my family.  Blessed that I have the right genetic markers to take this treatment (the doctor said she also tried to get a male patient into the trial but he didn't have the right markers).  Blessed that my amazing doctor thought about me a week before I even met her to get me one of the last spots in the trial.  I'm forever thankful.

the drain is gone!

Last Wednesday after Tanner got his tubes in his ears, Brad and I went downtown to my doctors office to get my drain removed!  I didn't feel anything when she removed my tube, but goodness it hurt when she cut my stitches.  The physician's assistant said the doctor must not have really wanted my stitches to come out because she did a very thorough job!  The doctor knew I have three boys one of those a baby and in both of my surgeries has given me extra stitches.  It did end up being a good thing because Logan did pull on my tube to help pull himself up to stand and I saw stars it hurt so bad!

It feels so good to have that drain out!  The first few days wasn't too noticeable, but day by day my mobility in my arm is coming back and I'm getting stronger.  Still need to take a power nap everyday, but hopefully even that won't last much longer.  Love that I'm feeling more and more like my self!

Good News Update

I got a call from my doctors office today informing me that the test results from my lymph nodes came back and all 25 of them came back clean!

So now I am just waiting for my fluids to drain and when the fluid numbers are low enough (which they are getting close!)  I'll be able to remove my drain! Then I will have my CT scan and MRI on June 16 to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body and then the following day I'll meet with a medical oncologist.

So things are looking good and I can almost see the light at the end of this cancer tunnel.

My sweetheart

Everyone asks how the boys are handling this, and they are doing amazing!  On Saturday they played all day together without electronics and without saying they were bored.  It was the biggest blessing and made my heart happy to hear them giggle all day.  I think its been the easiest on Carson since he's in school all day, whereas Tanner has been the one who's been at friends houses while I've had doctors appointments and my first surgery.  Its affected him the most.  As hard as you try to keep things as normal as possible for them, they still seem to know.  Kids always know, and lately he does not want to go anywhere unless I'm going.  He doesn't want to play with friends he just wants to stay home with his momma.  He'll lay next to me and ask me why I'm so tired and when I'll get feeling better.  He's been my little comforter.

A couple weeks ago (the week I found out the cancer had spread) Tanner had his playgroup and after a half hour of being there I got a call from the mom hosting saying that Tanner was just crying and laying on the couch not wanting to do anything.  This was not like him.  Tanner loves playing with other kids, so I told the mom that I'd be over shortly to pick him up.  When I arrived the mom told me she had a hard time understanding what was wrong, at first she said he told her he was sick, but then she said that Tanner told her that his mommy was sick and just wants her to get better.  My heart broke.  As I went into the room I saw Tanner laying on the couch whimpering.  When he saw me he got excited at first and then burst into tears.  I picked him up and held him in my arms.  When I asked him why he was sad he told me he just wanted to give me hugs and kisses.  I gave him a giant hug as we both cried.  So for a pick me up we went to Target where I let him pick out a toy and then all was right with the world.