Surgery

A week after I found out the news I was scheduled to meet with the oncologist at MD Anderson.  I was very impressed how organized the hospital is!  I was able to login to the hospital website and it had a list of all my appointments.  It was going to be a long day.

Walking into a cancer hospital is both humbling and terrifying.  Its definitely a somber experience.  I was surprised however how very few young people there where.  Most of the patients where elderly, and I felt too young to be there.

I was scheduled to arrive at 7:30 that morning although we arrived shortly after 7.  I was asked to register and sign a bunch of hospital documents.  Then my next stop was the lab to get some blood work done.  I also had to get a chest x-ray.  Mostly for anesthesiologist to get a look at my air passageway to make sure there are no surprises come surgery time, but also to take a look at my lungs to make sure the cancer has not spread there.

Then I was able to meet with the oncology staff.  First the nurse, then the physician's assistant and then the doctor.  They all told me something similar, but I also learned something new from talking to each of them.  I have to admit that after speaking to the nurse that I got extremely light headed and felt like I was going to pass out.  In my defense however, I had just gotten my blood drawn and then hearing all the medical procedures and what they where going to do was a shock to my system.

My appointment was on Friday and the doctor told me that she had already booked my surgery for that Monday, April 20.  That gave me just the weekend to let it sink in.  For the surgery they would inject a blue radiation dye into my "ground zero" site to see which lymph nodes the dye traveled to.  They will then remove those lymph nodes, because if my cancer had spread that would be the first place it would have gone.  Those lymph nodes will then be sent to a lab and I won't know the results for 10-14 days.  I know thats a huge amount of time while waiting for results like this, but they do a very thorough job. They will also remove an inch in diameter around the cancer site to hopefully remove all the cancer.

The doctor was very posititve and thinks that there is only a 10-15% chance that the cancer has spread.  So the odds are in my favor.  We left the hospital at 1:30.  It was a long day, luckily we have great friends that watched the kids for us so we didn't have to worry about them.  We had only told family up to this point, but knowing that I was going in for surgery we were going to need help and so told the Relief Society president.

I was third in line for surgery on Monday which I was really grateful for.  Even being 3rd in line I still had to show up at the hospital at 8:30 a.m.  I don't know what I would have done with the kids if I was scheduled first!  That would have been an extremely early morning.

I always start giggling when I get anesthesia.

To make sure they get the right spot.  Its that light pinkish spot close to the edge of my arm.

Brad's waiting room.  The surgery is an hour and a half long.

While Brad was in the waiting room they have these monitors that show what process I'm currently at.  The blue is highlighting that I'm in surgery.

After the surgery was over the doctor spoke to Brad and told him that they removed 3 lymph nodes (don't worry there are about 30 lymph nodes under your arm) and that they looked clean to her, but they'll obviously need the pathology report to confirm.

Coming out of anesthesia I noticed that I had an orange dye all over my left side (probably a cleaning solution).   Before they would release me to go home the nurse made me go to the bathroom.  I was so mad I just wanted to keep sleeping.  I didn't want to get up!  But I did get up and I groggily went to the bathroom.  I peed bright blue (from the radiation die the injected me with) it was hilarious!  So coming out of the bathroom I told the nurse "I'm an oompa loompa that pees blue!" She thought I was pretty funny.

When Carson came home from school that day he brought me over a card that his teacher made for me.  I was extremely touched especially since we hadn't really told the kids whats going on.  Just that mommy had to go to the doctor because her arm was sick.  We also came home to homemade chicken noodle soup and a couple of frozen meals from one of our friends who watched the kids while I was at the hospital.  It was the perfect after surgery meal.

Although we only told a few close friends, word travels fast and our ward has been amazing.  We've had enough meals brought to us to last us 2 weeks.  The first 5 days after surgery were so rough.  Mostly due to the fact that I was completely knocked out.  I couldn't be on my feet for longer then a few seconds without getting dizzy and lightheaded. So after Brad returned to work I've had so many people come to take Tanner to go play so I can rest, which I absolutely did!  I was taking about 4 naps a day!  Logan was such a trooper to just play quietly in the toy room while I sat on the couch and just watched him.  The relief society presidency even came to my house and cleaned it for me.  I've been completely overwhelmed with gratitude and love for these people.  I don't know what I would have done without their support.

The kids have been troopers, although when Carson came home from school the first day and saw my incision it frightened him and he started backing away saying he never wants to see it again.  The first few days I'd have to tell him to just look at my face.  He didn't want to give me hugs, because he didn't want to hurt me.  He also would ask me to wear a jacket when I took him to the bus stop so I didn't scare the other kids.  Poor kid I felt bad.  He has gotten used to it now and now its no big deal.

A look at my beautiful new scar.  Don't look if you get queasy easy!

Day 1 of surgery

Day 2

Its been 9 days now and the swelling on my arm is almost completely gone as is the bruise.  My energy is back up, but I'm still experiencing pain in my underarm where they removed the lymph nodes.  That has swollen to the size of a golf ball and was to be expected.  They said since I'm still nursing I have more fluid then the average person, and that area can stay swollen for months until the fluid buildup reabsorbs.  I'm also not able to lift anything over 10 pounds in that arm.  So I just have to be mindful when I pick up Logan to only carry him in my right arm.

I'm hoping that I hear back from the hospital by the end of this week.  If not for sure the beginning of next week!  So if you can please keep me in your prayers till then.

Dude Perfect Knight

It had been a long day at the cancer hospital (this was on the same day as my first visit to MD Anderson) and I was emotionally drained, but that night Carson's school was putting on a mother/son activity and so I pulled every ounce of energy that I had to have a great time with Carson.

Carson's school mascot is a Silver Knight and so the theme for the night was "A Dude Perfect Knight".  Get it?  So cute.  We dressed up as a team and I must say we made an excellent team!

They had a bunch of minute to win it type games and you had to complete at least 10 out of 15 to get your prize.

Carson had fun rolling around in these bubble balls!  

One of my favorite games was hungry hungry hippo.  Carson laid on his belly on a scooter board and I pushed him around by his feet to catch the tennis balls.  Carson's favorite game was called the blind knight.  I had a blindfold on and they game me "swords" (pool noodles) and my "armor" (clothes pins they put on me) and Carson had to try to get the pins off of me without getting hit by my swords.

played some basketball  

By the end of the night we completed 12 out of 15 activities and where able to run through the winners tunnel to claim our prize.  Carson was a little disappointed that all it was was a water bottle.  I think he was hopping for a trophy.

We ended the night by getting snow cones in the rain.  Throughout the night Carson kept saying how happy he was and how much fun he was having.  It really turned a bad day into a great one.  I love spending time with this awesome kid.

The Big C

Its always hard for me to write posts about myself, but this one more then others.  A few days after my birthday I went to the dermatologist to get a mole looked at.  This particular mole was on my left bicep and within the past month had ballooned and turned black.  Never a good sign.  The doctor thought it would be best if I had the mole removed as well as one on my leg that was particularly large.

A week went by and I didn't think much of it expect for the occasional soreness from my healing wounds.  Then as I was pulling into the parking lot of the Houston Zoo I got a call.  It was my doctor informing me of my biopsy results.  The mole on my left leg was normal, however the mole on my arm was indeed a melanoma aka skin cancer.

The doctor talked a little bit more, but it was hard to pay attention.  After you hear the word cancer thats about all you hear.  She did say that she referred me to an oncologist and that they will be contacting me later that day.

I called Brad right away, but he was in a training and didn't answer.  So I called again hoping that by seeing that I called twice in a row it was important.  I really wanted to talk to him.  He always calms me down and makes me feel that everything will be all right.  I needed to tell him.  Luckily he knew to answer and I told him the news.  It was hard news to tell.

We had a great time at the zoo, but when Tanner said he wanted to go home a little earlier then I planned, I didn't complain.  I had a lot on my mind and just wanted to get home as well.

After we got home I called Jack Saunders, our family friend who is a dermatologist PA.  I left him a message telling him that I had skin cancer and wanted to ask him a few questions.  He called me right back and we spoke about what this possibly means.  He also wanted to look at my biopsy results to see if the doctors were steering me in the right direction.  After I got off the phone with him I went straight to my dermatologist to get the biopsy results.

Even though I didn't let them know I was coming, the office was so nice accommodating and the dermatologist wanted to speak with me in person about my results.   She had excellent bedside manner as she explained to me what the numbers meant on my results and how serious it was.  Which is why she referred me to the oncologist.  She said that we are so lucky to have the #1 hospital in the country for cancer and that they will take good care of me, and how great I was at coming in right away after I noticed the change in my mole.  Its always a good thing to get it diagnosed early.

After I left my doctors office I went and got a cupcake, because frankly I deserved one.  Going into the store though they asked the typical "how are you doing today" question.  Well I just got diagnosed with cancer, hows your day? Was what I was thinking, but I meekly smiled and said I was fine.  I know that question is just a social/polite thing to ask, but it just struck me as odd on that day.

And then Brad came home.  I don't think I've ever given him a bigger hug, and he told me how all day long all he wanted to do was to come home and give me a hug.  Then for the first time that day I broke down in sobs.

Easter

Easter is such a wonderful time of year!  I just love spring and the beauty that it brings.

We started our Easter celebrations by coloring Easter eggs.  My boys favorite.  In fact we did it twice this holiday season!

This was Logan's first Easter! 

Our neighborhood held their Easter Egg hunt on Saturday morning.  It was lots of fun and of course the boys loved it!  I think Carson was still searching for some hidden eggs when this picture was taken.

 Logan just enjoyed taking the eggs out of the basket and putting them back in.

 Love these boys!

 You would have thought it was Christmas at our house.  Carson woke up at 11 o'clock the night before to see if the Easter bunny had come yet.  He was very excited.  All the boys then woke up bright and early to get their baskets.

 We also did our Easter egg hunt in the backyard and Carson found the golden egg.  He was so excited!

This year Easter landed over conference weekend, and it was a great way to bring in the true spirit of Easter into our homes.  It was a wonderful weekend.

Blue Bonnet Fields Forever

It was a beautiful 4 day Easter weekend, and spring was in the air!  On Saturday in between conference sessions we decided to take a drive to see the beautiful Texas Blue Bonnets.  On our drive through the country we found a lavender farm and had to stop to smell the flowers.

This blue bonnet field was breathtaking!  It went on and on full of bluebonnets and indian paintbrush.  I just love this time of year in Texas!

How I love these handsome boys of mine and they sure love each other too!  I love hearing their laughter and giggles as they play together.  They melt my heart.

Carson is the best big brother.  He sure loves his baby Logan.  He even changed a poopy diaper the other day!  He tries to make him happy when he is sad and is constantly trying to make him laugh.  He wanted to make sure that I got a picture of just the two of them.

 The coolest kindergartener.  

age: 6

Favorite Color: Gold

Favorite show: Rescue Bots, Batman, Scooby Doo

Favorite Game: plants vs. zombies (he is extremely good!  He watches you tube strategies to learn how to master the game!) 

Favorite Food: Cheese Pizza

Favorite school subject: Recess

What he wants to be when he grows up: as of today, a police officer

Likes: Kindergarten, his brothers, playing on the trampoline, building legos, getting toys, telling time, and playing with friends

playful preschooler

age: 3.5

Favorite Color: Blue

Favorite show: Paw Patrol and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Favorite Game: wrestling 

Favorite Food: Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Likes: Playing on the trampoline, preschool, his playgroup, playing batman/superheros with me, playing at the park, play dough, and acting silly.

Lovable Logan

age: 9 months

Favorite Food: yogurt, applesauce, french fries

Favorite person: Mommy

Favorite toy: the bat cave, any imaginex figurine, and Sophie the giraffe

Loves: being bounced on the trampoline, taking out the silverware from the dishwasher, wrestling, being tickled, blowing bubbles, walking to the bus stop, and taking baths.

On our way home we then stopped to get some kolaches at our favorite place.  It was a great and beautiful day.

Logan: 9 Months

 Weight: 14 lbs 12 oz

Height: 27 inches

My little itty bitty guy has been out as long as he was in.  It goes by too fast! Everyone is amazed at how strong he is for being so tiny.  He's been my smallest guy yet out of our boys.

He brings us so much happiness!  The boys love him, and he loves them right back.  Logan now tries to get in on the wrestle matches with his dad and brothers.  He is definitely going to be one tough cookie, but as the 3rd boy he has too for survival.  He loves to be where the action is and doesn't like being left out.

His newest thing is to clench his face and raise his arms and then shakes.  Its hilarious. And he loves the reaction he gets from us and so will keep doing it.  He loves table food and is always wanting us to share our food with him.

Love my bright blue eyed little boy!

thirty

I turned thirty this year.  I must admit it hit me a little harder then I expected.  Since I got married at 19 all through my early 20's I loved my birthday's, because then I didn't seem so young and married.  25 and 26 were some of my favorite years and I thought I could be that age forever.  Then last year I hit 29.  29 is just a taunting age, knowing that this is your last year of your 20's.  Throughout the year there's a feeling of dread knowing that in just a few short months you're out of your twenties and into your 30's.  So last year I decided that I was going to make the last year in my twenties fun and I decided that I would do a bucket list.  30 before 30.  Yeah, I only came up with 15 things. Its hard coming up with new stuff to do! It didn't quite work out like I wanted to, plus adding a new baby didn't help with my ambition to accomplish some goals, but I did do a couple things like run a 5k.  Maybe I'll have to change my list to 30 in my 30's instead.

I know its cliché but turning 30 I almost saw my future life flash before my eyes and I already felt as if I was going to be a grandma.  So while during a nice and relaxing massage I thought of the highlights/best days of my life so far.  I thought of holding all 3 of my kids for the first time, the day Brad proposed to me, our wedding day/honeymoon, vacations I've been on, beautiful sunsets I've seen, hearing my boys laugh as they play together. It brought it all into focus.  I'm so incredibly thankful for my wonderful life.  I've truly been blessed beyond words.  My life is everything I dreamt it was going to be when I was a little girl.

My twenties where a wonderful time.  I joked with Brad that I spent my entire twenties with him.  My twenties were a time in my life where I was accomplishing a lot.  Newly married, I became a mom, then, again, and again, Brad got new jobs, we bought a couple houses, it was definitely a time in my life where I was continually learning and growing.  I was growing into myself.  Now my twenties are over and I'm planning on my embracing my thirties! I am happy with where my life is now and I'm looking forward to this new journey.  I'm excited to celebrate this new chapter of my life and am looking forward to what the next decade of my life holds in store for me! 

While my mom and sisters where here they thought it would be fun (or funny not sure which) to have me hold up the sign I use for Logan's monthly photo with my new age.        

 I already posted about my pre-birthday celebrations in New Orleans, but my actual birthday was a good day.  Full of me getting pampered!  Can't beat that!  I got a massage, mani/pedi, and enjoyed a wonderful dinner at Taste of Texas (a yummy stake place).

 It felt like I had a week long day of celebrations with going out to dinner and lunch with friends.  Since I got a dessert at the restaurant we went to we had my birthday cake a few days later.

Logan loved it.